Mental health illness support network for PWWP

Mental health illness support network for People working with people

Personal stories.

Do you have a personal stories you would like to share with us? please feel free to  comments on this page. Remember everyone illness is different, and it is good to talk.


20 responses to “Personal stories.

  1. Hello, and welcome to my road to recovery.

    My name is Michelle, and i am 30 year’s old, i have a son age two, and a recent partner of 16 month’s, This is my personal experiences i would like to share

    I am creating this blog, as in March 2011, i suffered a nervous break down, and was diagnosed with a mental illness, i therefor understand how limited the support is, until i was actually sectioned, by the mental health act. I know how real it all can seem, and alone you can feel.

    I am going to share my illness with you all, as brief as possible, to give some support, to other families, on this bumpy ride, and also for my self, to make a full recovery. I am a lucky one, that is able to make a full recovery, with time and support.

    I recall it all starting, back in January 2010, a recent mum of 7 month,s. Enough was enough, the violent relationship, had taken it,s tole, and it was time to put my son first. Finally i found the courage to up and leave, the baby dad, and therefor was about to become a single mum, as well as a new mum. Stress levels started to rise, but i just got on with it, just like every one else do these days. Then the money problems came and it started to get harder, but i got by.

    Then June 2010, i discovered that my identity had been stolen, my bank account was robbed, and my mobile phone had been hacked, running up a contract bill, of just under £900 pounds. Then in came the debt letters, which just topped, the stress levels, to the max, you could say. The police were involved, but did not give any support, or feed back until just over a year later.

    By now i had become very paranoid, i started to make believe, that who had done this to me, had been in my house to, i made beleive things had been moved around, like pictures, and letters, when all along it was my mind, but it all seemed so real at the time. I evan started acusing my neighbours of entering the house, as when i would ask them, ” have you seen anybody call here today ” ? they would say ” no “, i know why now? it was my mind.

    So by now i was ill, very ill and did not even know so. In September 2010, i met my new partner, who was very concerned, i see now, He would say, ” you need to calm down ” but i thought everything was normal, tearing my house apart. I just felt as if my privacy had been invaded, and as if i was constantly watched and followed. But no one seemed to care, or even understand, except my partner.

    By Christmas i had become so paranoid, that i was being watched, i started to log down other car registration numbers, that i had seen more than once a day. I was so paranoid i thought there was spy cameras every where in my house, so i then started researching, day and night, all kinds of spy ware equipment, which got me looking at infrared, i then become obsessed with studying infrared, radiation followed by cancer, Governmental t, undergrounds and even religion. There was a lot more to, but i said i would tell you brief . So as you can see, my head was fried.

    After all the research, and allegations i made, i then decided i was part of a project, some kind of guinea pig, as i could not back anything up, at all. Things where bad, real bad, and i did not even know. My son was even being affected, even neglected, my mum was a nervous wreck, and still i could not see it, until now. BONKERS I KNOW, but so real to me.

    In January 2011, my mum was so worried, that she took me to see a mental health nurse, who soon refered me to see a specialist, who assessed me, and i was diagnosed with paranoia psychosis. He prescribed me medication, which i refused to take, because i still thought everything i had said was happening to me. Later the same day, there was a crisis team, (two mental health nurses), at my door, very concerned for my mental state, they were there to try and persuade me to take my medication. I refused, next day early morning, the team were back, but with two doctors to asses me once again. I was so distressed by this time, having no one on my side, and all alone, i was finally sectioned by the mental health act 2 for 28 days. One year later.

    As soon as i was taken in to hospital, escorted by police, great, SHAME ON, my mind felt at ease, and took advantage of the rest straight away. I slept for 5 days solid, i would only wake for dinner, 5 days later i started to take my medication, and my mind started to put thing,s in to place, not everything just one or two things. That was progress, the beginning of my recovery.

    I was released 13 days later, with medication and on the road to recovery. The medication did play a important part, it suppressed those mad thoughts, to some thoughts not at all. And here i am cringing now, and sometimes even more than not laugh at some of my made beileve thoughts.

  2. The gift says:

    well done for speaking your mind to the closest of your feelings, i personally know you and as magnet of honesty loyalty and a genuine, compassion to help people, who are vulnerable to mental health, there positive and strengthening tools. Every individual learning your strengths and weaknesses is a great start to repairing negatives into positiveness, so i applaud you in the way you have approached your road to recovery.if you feel your doing right then, right it usually is. Well done in your recovery and using your illness as a positive and becoming a mentor in the making.

  3. Feeling suicidal is nothing to be ashamed of:
    A straightforward statement, yet not so straightforward in reality. People do feel ashamed to admit this. Yet it really is nothing to be ashamed of.
    I didn’t feel ashamed to admit when I had problems with my cartilage and had to have an operation on my knee.
    I didn’t feel ashamed to admit when I was in hospital due to a bad chest infection.
    I didn’t feel ashamed to tell people when I had the flu.
    These were all caused by illnesses and I wasn’t ashamed. Yes, somehow, no matter how hard I try, and no matter how much I know there is nothing to ashamed of, I still feel even a little bit ashamed to say when my illness caused me to feel suicidal.
    I felt / feel embarrassed, like I’ve done something wrong.
    Yet it was an illness making me feel this way. I was deeply suicidal for several months. I had no control over these thoughts. I didn’t want to feel that way. Yet I felt ashamed to tell others.
    I know that there was / is nothing to be ashamed of, yet I still feel that little bit ashamed and embarrassed.
    Why? I really don’t know. Probably because society tells us that it’s wrong to feel that way. Probably because it’s such a taboo subject that no one will speak of, and it feels odd or wrong to say it.
    But to anyone who feels suicidal:
    It is nothing to be ashamed of. Feeling ashamed is making you less likely to speak out and tell someone, but speaking out is very important to do.
    Insist on speaking out. You are worth it!
    Those thoughts probably make suicide feel like the most natural thing in the world, like it is what is the next logical step, like it will make everything better.
    It isn’t, it isn’t and it won’t.
    I bet that if you had the choice between a happy life and being dead you would choose the happy life. You more than likely don’t want to die. You want an end to your pain. That is a very different thing.
    A blog comment in ‘My Very First Beautyfrompainblog post‘ puts it very well, in my opinion:
    The will to live is stronger than the will to die. But sometimes for me the desire to escape the pain was enough to make me think (wrongly) that it was the other way round.
    You might feel that you so badly want to die. You might be convince that it’s the best thing to do. It’s not. Cling on. Talk, talk, talk. Tell someone how you are feeling. Give them an opportunity to help. You might just (like me) live to be very glad that you did.
    I was scared to tell anyone quite how suicidal I was in case they would lock me up.
    It was December 2010 and I was very suicidal. I was doing lots of research on suicide methods. I was writing my suicide note. And so on… My CPN asked me if I was suicidal. I was too scared to tell her that ‘yes, I was’. She got it out of me eventually. But I was sure she was going to arrange for me to be taken away to hospital if I told her. If they were to put in hospital everyone who is actively suicidal there would be no room left in the hospitals. Yes, in some cases, hospital admission may be considered the best thing, but generally not.
    Tell someone. Anyone. Ideally someone who can help. If you can’t find the words to say it out loud, write them down and give them to someone.
    Speak to a crisis helpline.
    While you might not be able to see it now, remember that it is your illness making you feel this way. Don’t let your illness kill you. You won’t always feel this way, so fight it. You will be so glad that you did.
    I hated myself for being suicidal – I hated myself for the thought of what I was considering putting other people through.
    If you’re like me you might feel guilty for thinking this way, for the things that you are considering.
    Don’t!
    Easier said than done, I know.
    Feeling suicidal is not about hurting other people. It’s about wanting to stop your own hurting.
    You don’t want to kill yourself in order to cause pain to others – you want to end your own pain.
    And if you’re a friend or family member of someone who is / has been suicidal, please, please try to remember that it is not about you. The suicidal person does not want to hurt you. The thought of the pain they would cause you by acting out on these thoughts is probably tearing them apart. They are not being selfish. They are in a huge amount of emotional pain and they would do anything for that to end.
    Please don’t hate them for feeling that way. They don’t want to hurt you. They just want to stop feeling this way.

  4. Thank you for letting me re blog your personal story.very great full.

  5. Some people think I’ve had an easy life,but I I hav’nt. I’m 35..When I I was young I was beaten and felt discarded. I got smacked on the arse for10 minutes at a time by my mother for doing what kids do. I also got beaten with out dog `Morney`s` choke chain for smashing a neighbours window by accident. this wasn,t the only time. My mother got got killed by a taxi man as my mother crossed a pelican crossing in Weymouth when I was 11,and died when I was 12 after see`ing her in hospital dying of pneumonia.Next time her friend took me and my sister down to see see her,she had just died,and my mothers friend took us to Monkey World on the day down,so that we wouldn`t have to witness worse than what we had witnessed the the last time we saw her. That is what messed me and my sis up! My Gramps did his best and took us both on even being 65..I did my best in school and beat up the bullies because I wouldn`t let no-one pick on me.. Now 22 years later,and through all these years,I`ve never forgotten and had countless sleepless nights with waking nightmares, waking upin hot and cond coldsweats,and still do now.I`ve taken many medications off my GP,most make me feel like I`m going mental. I talk to myself alot,I feel so alone its unbelieveable,sometimes I cry and cant sleep for 5 whole 24 hour days at a time. It`s awful.Since I`ve been mostly on my own in my inner feelings with no help I have intentionally hurt myself to try to make me feel something,but nothing seems to hurt.I`ve broken bones and all sorts,I`ve got at least 45 scars on my by body from one way or another. But then who cares. Time out Chrys!

  6. That is only a quarter of my life and there is plenty more that i have not told you, because it hurts to tell you any more.

    • Thank you Chrys, for being honest and sharing your sad and unfair life with us. U are one of the reasons i am creating this blog, as there are so many children and adults already suffering mental health illnesses due to like circumstances like your,s. Finally we are beginning to fight the stigma. This way we can prevent serious mental illnesses by detecting neglect,physical abuse and depression at a early stage. MENTAL is not a brand, people need to learn, it is like any illness. There is nothing to be shamed about, and it is not a weakness, and some can turn the pain in to something good, with the support and help behind you. Why should children and adults suffer? you don,t see cancer patients left untreated. There is information on this blog for when or if you are in any kind of crisis. You are a perfect example why we need to beat this stigma, because there is always a root to the problem. We need to raise the awareness and teach others MENTAL is just another illness. I hope this blog has given you some support and helps you not feel so alone, stay in touch and take care of your self.

  7. jordana thomas says:

    Michelle i have finally found your blog and i would like to commend you on it! I too have thought about putting my story out there but never had the courage…until now, inspired by you. Here goes nothing…

    As far back as i can remember i’ve never felt i was anywhere near as good as anybody else and as a teen began to punish myself for this reason in the form of cuttting. Not that anybody knew about it mind because i knew it would not be taken seriously and i thought i had simply found a way to cope that made me feel i’d punished myself enough for being the one who was picked on for being different and for not being academically ‘with it’. Whilst at this young age i began to take drugs to simply get away from these feelings. Again i felt i’d simply found a way to release myself temporarily from the paranoia that made me feel i was never going to get anywhere in my life and so couldn’t see the point in much. Again at the age of 16 nothing was known by my family or my friends who didn’t take drugs. I somehow managed to get 9 GCSE’s (im still convinced there was an error in the marking!) and then frighteningly i found myself in college where things escalated and i was made to feel even worse from my ever escalating paranoia.

    Somehow i made it into University where things really got tricky! My first holiday away with my best friend turned into the worst experience of my life. I was sexually assaulted and if i had any form of self respect or esteem it was at this point that it had definetely diminished completely. I kept quiet for a year then things got really bad and made the decision that i didn’t want to live anymore. The flashbacks and the hallucinations that followed the attack were simply too much and my self harm soon lost it’s appeal and the suicide attempts started. After countless A and E journeys for stitches and treatment following overdoses that nearly led to a liver transplant, my psychiatrist informed me i needed more help than what could be offered at the time (which was next to nothing due to what i imagine to be funding issues) and so i was admitted. Ten weeks in a psychiatric ward and then released back into the community! What a shock that was. The only thing that kept me going was the training with Transcend. There i got some confidence and finally found my true calling in life and i now mentor 2 mentees aswell as volunteering in the recovery and rehabilitation ward in Cefn Coed and hoping to get into university to complete my second degree in mental health nursing. I stiill suffer from paranoia, flashbacks and bulimia but i can see the light at the end of the tunnel and i have the Transcend project to thank for most of it.

    • Well done Jodana for finding the courage to share part of your’e past life. I am so glad you felt you could, and it even brought tears to my eyes that from reading my personal story you found the courage. Thank you and I hope others will feel they can to.x

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  12. In my childhood life i suffered both mental and physical abuse from my father, I also witnessed my mother go through to similar things to me .

    I never found the courage to talk to anyone during this time or to seek any help.

    In 2010 things got progressively worse in my daily life and i was crying out for help and felt no one was listening to me.

    My beloved wife then came to my rescue and drove me to A and E where i finally found help and was referred to the correct organisations and the mental health team , which has supported me all the way .

    Now time has moved on and I have managed to turn my life around and become a more positive person.

    There is a light to everyone’s tunnel

    and I am proof of that !!

    this is where lightermind came from

    myself

    David Parry

  13. David Parry

    My story about suffering in silence.

    My childhood was bad I suffered both physical and emotional abuse and bullying from my father. I also witnessed violence towards my mother. During this time I never found the courage or any kind of help to talk to anyone.

    Now as an adult and time has moved on my emotional scars are still there due to my upbringing.

    I have never been able to hold a job down due to my emotional scars and my anxiety and stress.

    In 2010 my mental status got worse and I needed to get help fast due to suicidal thoughts. I found it extremely hard to get the right help due to all the stigma with my

    Mental health. I was crying out for help but I felt that no one was listening to me and I was trapped. Then my wife decided to take me to the hospital (A + E) where I saw a duty physiatrist which then referred me to the community mental health team.

    I was referred to my CPN nurse Donna Meacham and was diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). Donna said that I was depressed, distressed and also had anxiety problems. I explained to her that I had flashbacks from my childhood and they were affecting my daily life. This was a major breakthrough for me, being able to talk to someone.

    I then had to end my job in March 2011 as a community caretaker/handyperson for Hafod Housing due to my illness.

    I have been on the sick for 10 months now and been using the services of the community mental health.

    This has had a dramatic change on my life and is getting me on the right road to health.

    I have been working voluntary for not just nuts alongside gofal and hafal over the past few months, and feel good that I can achieve this and give something back to my community.

    Arc centre has been a great help for me providing me with lots of aspects forward and giving me self confidence back.

    Unfortunately this may prove difficult due to many business’ not accepting people with past illnesses such as mental health.

    The stigma that mental health has got.

    (About understanding)

    Knowing your limits

    Being miserable, suicidal or confused affects your everyday life and is extremely frustrating for you and others around you.

    You sometimes do not feel like doing things and we all take daily life for granted. People with mental health find this difficult like socialising, exercise and just going to work. Sometimes you can’t even get out of bed. This can make you feel totally isolated then you get paranoid and think people are against you all the time.

    The passion move forward (positive thinking)

    As a patient of the mental health, I think that when people are crying out for help, there should be more support and drop in groups for them, also to get more people to talk and not suffer in silence like myself. I think that there should be an end to the stigma and people with this type off illness should not be disadvantaged.

    Now that I am making progress I would like to give something back to people that has been in a similar situation as me and help to raise money and work alongside the mental health and perhaps get permanent work out of it in the future.

    —–Original Message—–
    From: Michelle Healy
    To: david.parry1
    Sent: Mon, 4 Feb 2013 7:48
    Subject: Hi

    This my email adress Michelle

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    David Parry

    My story about suffering in silence.

    My childhood was bad I suffered both physical and emotional abuse and bullying from my father. I also witnessed violence towards my mother. During this time I never found the courage or any kind of help to talk to anyone.

    Now as an adult and time has moved on my emotional scars are still there due to my upbringing.

    I have never been able to hold a job down due to my emotional scars and my anxiety and stress.

    In 2010 my mental status got worse and I needed to get help fast due to suicidal thoughts. I found it extremely hard to get the right help due to all the stigma with my

    Mental health. I was crying out for help but I felt that no one was listening to me and I was trapped. Then my wife decided to take me to the hospital (A + E) where I saw a duty physiatrist which then referred me to the community mental health team.

    I was referred to my CPN nurse Donna Meacham and was diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). Donna said that I was depressed, distressed and also had anxiety problems. I explained to her that I had flashbacks from my childhood and they were affecting my daily life. This was a major breakthrough for me, being able to talk to someone.

    I then had to end my job in March 2011 as a community caretaker/handyperson for Hafod Housing due to my illness.

    I have been on the sick for 10 months now and been using the services of the community mental health.

    This has had a dramatic change on my life and is getting me on the right road to health.

    I have been working voluntary for not just nuts alongside gofal and hafal over the past few months, and feel good that I can achieve this and give something back to my community.

    Arc centre has been a great help for me providing me with lots of aspects forward and giving me self confidence back.

    Unfortunately this may prove difficult due to many business’ not accepting people with past illnesses such as mental health.

    The stigma that mental health has got.

    (About understanding)

    Knowing your limits

    Being miserable, suicidal or confused affects your everyday life and is extremely frustrating for you and others around you.

    You sometimes do not feel like doing things and we all take daily life for granted. People with mental health find this difficult like socialising, exercise and just going to work. Sometimes you can’t even get out of bed. This can make you feel totally isolated then you get paranoid and think people are against you all the time.

    The passion move forward (positive thinking)

    As a patient of the mental health, I think that when people are crying out for help, there should be more support and drop in groups for them, also to get more people to talk and not suffer in silence like myself. I think that there should be an end to the stigma and people with this type off illness should not be disadvantaged.

    Now that I am making progress I would like to give something back to people that has been in a similar situation as me and help to raise money and work alongside the mental health and perhaps get permanent work out of it in the future.

    —–Original Message—–
    From: Michelle Healy
    To: david.parry1
    Sent: Mon, 4 Feb 2013 7:48
    Subject: Hi

    This my email adress Michelle

    New
    |
    Reply
    Reply all
    Forward
    |
    Delete
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    Sweep ▼

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    Close ad

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    © 2013 Microsoft
    Terms
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    English

    David Parry

    My story about suffering in silence.

    My childhood was bad I suffered both physical and emotional abuse and bullying from my father. I also witnessed violence towards my mother. During this time I never found the courage or any kind of help to talk to anyone.

    Now as an adult and time has moved on my emotional scars are still there due to my upbringing.

    I have never been able to hold a job down due to my emotional scars and my anxiety and stress.

    In 2010 my mental status got worse and I needed to get help fast due to suicidal thoughts. I found it extremely hard to get the right help due to all the stigma with my

    Mental health. I was crying out for help but I felt that no one was listening to me and I was trapped. Then my wife decided to take me to the hospital (A + E) where I saw a duty physiatrist which then referred me to the community mental health team.

    I was referred to my CPN nurse Donna Meacham and was diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). Donna said that I was depressed, distressed and also had anxiety problems. I explained to her that I had flashbacks from my childhood and they were affecting my daily life. This was a major breakthrough for me, being able to talk to someone.

    I then had to end my job in March 2011 as a community caretaker/handyperson for Hafod Housing due to my illness.

    I have been on the sick for 10 months now and been using the services of the community mental health.

    This has had a dramatic change on my life and is getting me on the right road to health.

    I have been working voluntary for not just nuts alongside gofal and hafal over the past few months, and feel good that I can achieve this and give something back to my community.

    Arc centre has been a great help for me providing me with lots of aspects forward and giving me self confidence back.

    Unfortunately this may prove difficult due to many business’ not accepting people with past illnesses such as mental health.

    The stigma that mental health has got.

    (About understanding)

    Knowing your limits

    Being miserable, suicidal or confused affects your everyday life and is extremely frustrating for you and others around you.

    You sometimes do not feel like doing things and we all take daily life for granted. People with mental health find this difficult like socialising, exercise and just going to work. Sometimes you can’t even get out of bed. This can make you feel totally isolated then you get paranoid and think people are against you all the time.

    The passion move forward (positive thinking)

    As a patient of the mental health, I think that when people are crying out for help, there should be more support and drop in groups for them, also to get more people to talk and not suffer in silence like myself. I think that there should be an end to the stigma and people with this type off illness should not be disadvantaged.

    Now that I am making progress I would like to give something back to people that has been in a similar situation as me and help to raise money and work alongside the mental health and perhaps get permanent work out of it in the future.

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